The past 10 days have been intense. Lots of life decisions being made and the truth is the more you keep your ideas and your beliefs to yourself the better. I think it would compared to writing a novel. Your initial thoughts and storyline ideas are awesome and wonderful and the second you share them with one person and get their feedback its like a disease.... You want to know everyone's thoughts and opinions and try to make it better and all of a sudden your original idea was lost forever and the rewriting of what was never written is gone.
Dont get me wrong I dont regret the disease its just now come to a point of expectation. Will this novel be as good as it once was thought up as? what is a good idea if not shared?
Ahh my metaphor stinks, I cant sleep and my cat is electrocuting me with her wet nose. 1000 thoughts a second... go to sleep head.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Reflection
Everything before now has lead me here and I feel like change is definitely at the forefront, shaping my life. Its not something for the future (even though its always there)...its something happening right now. How many times in your life can you say that change is actually happening today, tomorrow, this week, this month and this year AND at the same time say I can actually see it in front of me, around me, poking at my thoughts, my skin, my just being. I'm definitely riding these waves excited to see the next one and mindful that all this change will eventually lead me to want more of it. I'm hungry like I can't live without it and do not know how I lived before it. Not scared to know that I dont know. Only motivated to continue to pursue, to create, to develop, to evolve, to learn, to not worry, to not fear, to not forget. Creation is passion, is life, is love, is reflective, is more then just the surface, and is dark, destructive, and not without struggle.
The way I see myself and the way I have actually been are two different entities. Frightened to acknowledge yet inspired to continue. I am trying to open my eyes to what reality is and what is in my head. its all very much inspiring to break the mold, learn what it is inside me that will determine and define my being.
deep in thought.....
The way I see myself and the way I have actually been are two different entities. Frightened to acknowledge yet inspired to continue. I am trying to open my eyes to what reality is and what is in my head. its all very much inspiring to break the mold, learn what it is inside me that will determine and define my being.
deep in thought.....
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Death
Death is just as significant as Life. Cannot live without death around you. Cannot die without living. Its just something that happens.
My grandmother has passed and I cannot but feel the greatest sense of loss I have ever felt in my life. My Grandmother was the "trunk" of a beautiful tree with all her branches of family which have all broken. I guess it was fitting that she died in the middle of a horrible storm which caused many fallen trees and lots of places without power. A sense of chaos not only in the world but in our hearts. This sense of chaos and uneasiness will not pass in any amount of time.
I have only sad, depressing and angry things to say at the moment. I must stop writing because I am too tired to continue to hit delete.
I do not wish for death or fear it. I only hope that when death comes it comes fast and not at the choice of others.
My grandma was an amazingly strong woman. Of course with her faults... but she truly loved her family. I am inspired by my grandmas ways to love and connect with every one of her friends, neighbors, and family. This is the example I will hold myself to. Your life is what you make of it. I will try to live and love as deeply as my grandmother had lived.
My grandmother has passed and I cannot but feel the greatest sense of loss I have ever felt in my life. My Grandmother was the "trunk" of a beautiful tree with all her branches of family which have all broken. I guess it was fitting that she died in the middle of a horrible storm which caused many fallen trees and lots of places without power. A sense of chaos not only in the world but in our hearts. This sense of chaos and uneasiness will not pass in any amount of time.
I have only sad, depressing and angry things to say at the moment. I must stop writing because I am too tired to continue to hit delete.
I do not wish for death or fear it. I only hope that when death comes it comes fast and not at the choice of others.
My grandma was an amazingly strong woman. Of course with her faults... but she truly loved her family. I am inspired by my grandmas ways to love and connect with every one of her friends, neighbors, and family. This is the example I will hold myself to. Your life is what you make of it. I will try to live and love as deeply as my grandmother had lived.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Grams
My grandma had a massive stoke this past Tuesday. I think my entire family has had the toughest week they have had in a long time. My grandma is definitely fighting for her life. There is a long road of recovery ahead and we did not know if this was even an option earlier this week. My grandma is a fighter. I cannot wait to see her this afternoon. I hope she will be awake to say hello.
Well, my brother got married last weekend. What a party!!!! Best family, best food, best dancing. Much love for my family. It was definitely an event to remember.
Piece by piece I have been trying to make my home more organized. We kinda been living like a mess. Ants have infested my home (like they do every year). Damn you old building. Its just very stressful for me to deal with. I do not cook at all in my kitchen if I have ants... I can leave a bowl of cereal for one second to grab the milk and there will be an ant on the counter looking for food. ugh. I think I am starting to get control of the situation a.k.a ant traps. I think i bought like 25 (5-6 different kinds) and only one of them seems to be working.
Today is my cousin's graduation party from High School. wow the baby of the family has just graduated High School. We are getting old. He will be off to college and when he graduates I will be in my thirties. man. this is crazy.
Where does all the time go?
Well, my brother got married last weekend. What a party!!!! Best family, best food, best dancing. Much love for my family. It was definitely an event to remember.
Piece by piece I have been trying to make my home more organized. We kinda been living like a mess. Ants have infested my home (like they do every year). Damn you old building. Its just very stressful for me to deal with. I do not cook at all in my kitchen if I have ants... I can leave a bowl of cereal for one second to grab the milk and there will be an ant on the counter looking for food. ugh. I think I am starting to get control of the situation a.k.a ant traps. I think i bought like 25 (5-6 different kinds) and only one of them seems to be working.
Today is my cousin's graduation party from High School. wow the baby of the family has just graduated High School. We are getting old. He will be off to college and when he graduates I will be in my thirties. man. this is crazy.
Where does all the time go?
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Camera has Arrived!
YAY our camera came this week! How exciting! I need to brush up on some old lessons I learned in High School and learn the new. Shawn has been adventuring around with the camera and taking some really awesome pictures and videos. My favorite video is of the trees with tiny leaves falling cus it looks so pretty!
We have a few more things to finish on the Visit and we have a presentation in about 10 days. I am not entirely sure what to say about it other than working in final cut pro can be very challenging for a new person. I hope that my edits and corrections will show the importance of every aspect of shooting a film and editing can be a lot easier with careful planning. I really want to bring footage of the original shoot and compare and contrast the editing in FCP.
I do want to discuss the importance of lighting and sound and the necessary people to be on top of both at all times during the shoot.
In my personal life I had to deal with some tough things these past few months. I am working through a lot and trying to focus on being the best me I can be. I have been trying to be truthful to the reality of life and not sugar coat my feelings and thoughts to the detriment of my own well being. Frankly, I just cant tell you the lies you want to hear. I am not your therapist. I will only invest my time, effort, feelings, love, etc. on the people that reciprocate. Cutting some ties is just in the cards for me. Developing my new relationships will fill that void.
Also, we finally purchased some business cards. After viewing HUNDREDS if not at least 1,000 designs and options we finally agreed on a design and I purchased them! woo hoo! Very Excited! Watch out world, here we come.
We have a few more things to finish on the Visit and we have a presentation in about 10 days. I am not entirely sure what to say about it other than working in final cut pro can be very challenging for a new person. I hope that my edits and corrections will show the importance of every aspect of shooting a film and editing can be a lot easier with careful planning. I really want to bring footage of the original shoot and compare and contrast the editing in FCP.
I do want to discuss the importance of lighting and sound and the necessary people to be on top of both at all times during the shoot.
In my personal life I had to deal with some tough things these past few months. I am working through a lot and trying to focus on being the best me I can be. I have been trying to be truthful to the reality of life and not sugar coat my feelings and thoughts to the detriment of my own well being. Frankly, I just cant tell you the lies you want to hear. I am not your therapist. I will only invest my time, effort, feelings, love, etc. on the people that reciprocate. Cutting some ties is just in the cards for me. Developing my new relationships will fill that void.
Also, we finally purchased some business cards. After viewing HUNDREDS if not at least 1,000 designs and options we finally agreed on a design and I purchased them! woo hoo! Very Excited! Watch out world, here we come.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Red Lipstick
I made some important decisions today. First being that I frankly cant afford throwing parties both physically and financially. I hope I did not hurt anyone's feelings.
I had an appointment with my new hairdresser today and let me say the color of lipstick she so confidently wore was awesome. And she talked to me like a real person even tho I will pay her later. Sales... but I am comfortable and that is all that matters.
Ugh its taken me three (3) days to finish this post... Thanks life and comcast ugh.
I dont have anything interesting to say anymore not that I did before.
I had an appointment with my new hairdresser today and let me say the color of lipstick she so confidently wore was awesome. And she talked to me like a real person even tho I will pay her later. Sales... but I am comfortable and that is all that matters.
Ugh its taken me three (3) days to finish this post... Thanks life and comcast ugh.
I dont have anything interesting to say anymore not that I did before.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Off Point Media
Recently began a new production company with my partner of life. Life couldn't be more exciting. I bought an iMac and got Final Cut Pro and let me say its so very difficult to learn but I have confidence that it will be awesome. The first project "The Visit" is coming along. I really wish we had our camera... I would feel like we could then do just about anything.
I received some really good advice this week. I have a very stressful day time job and work extremely closely with two (2) other people that at times the environment becomes unbearable and as such becomes too difficult to handle. At these moments and even in the good times it is important to have these experiences because the people and environment should be logged as potential story elements, ideas, characters and life on paper if you make it. We all have different lifestyles and always grab from our experiences. Utilizing these moments and feelings with descriptions of events may create something useful for the future. If that makes any sense.
Today otherwise was a good day. Lets just say a Defendant in a particular case came into the office today (a usual 6 month appearance) to settle a debt. The fact that on this occasion I did not pretend to NOT know him actually flattered him. I do not understand why knowing his face and knowing his name would be flattering as I work in debt collecting. Regardless, he gave his business card in case I needed any Carpentry work and proceeded to half wink at me. Maybe he really wanted to offer his carpentry services or maybe his persistent delinquency gives this man a reason to come to the office to pay his debt to me. Keep in mind it does not say on any document that it is necessary to drive to the office to make payments and that all payments can be mailed....etc. He may not look like a creeper but I am indeed a little creeped out. I want to feel flattered because at least he is not 60 (like most of our clients) that hit on me. But who in their right mind would want date someone that obviously cannot pay his bills on time. Granted I understand "hard" times and with this particular defendant I know money is not the issue. Ugh, kind of creeping myself out more.
Tonight will bring more editing and playoff hockey. I will be sad when Hockey is over I feel like its the perfect half watch half in the background to my editing.
Chow. :P
I received some really good advice this week. I have a very stressful day time job and work extremely closely with two (2) other people that at times the environment becomes unbearable and as such becomes too difficult to handle. At these moments and even in the good times it is important to have these experiences because the people and environment should be logged as potential story elements, ideas, characters and life on paper if you make it. We all have different lifestyles and always grab from our experiences. Utilizing these moments and feelings with descriptions of events may create something useful for the future. If that makes any sense.
Today otherwise was a good day. Lets just say a Defendant in a particular case came into the office today (a usual 6 month appearance) to settle a debt. The fact that on this occasion I did not pretend to NOT know him actually flattered him. I do not understand why knowing his face and knowing his name would be flattering as I work in debt collecting. Regardless, he gave his business card in case I needed any Carpentry work and proceeded to half wink at me. Maybe he really wanted to offer his carpentry services or maybe his persistent delinquency gives this man a reason to come to the office to pay his debt to me. Keep in mind it does not say on any document that it is necessary to drive to the office to make payments and that all payments can be mailed....etc. He may not look like a creeper but I am indeed a little creeped out. I want to feel flattered because at least he is not 60 (like most of our clients) that hit on me. But who in their right mind would want date someone that obviously cannot pay his bills on time. Granted I understand "hard" times and with this particular defendant I know money is not the issue. Ugh, kind of creeping myself out more.
Tonight will bring more editing and playoff hockey. I will be sad when Hockey is over I feel like its the perfect half watch half in the background to my editing.
Chow. :P
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